Today I was sitting - fantasizing about every where else I'd rather be, I'm sure - at a table at the daycare I work at with group of 3 1/2 to 4 year olds, and the "teacher," Miss Brandy. The kids were coloring pictures of leprechauns and then the teacher would let them put stickers on their finished works. I heard her say to a female student, "What sticker do you want, hearts or shoes or perfume bottles?" I thought to myself, Hmm I somehow doubt that those are the sticker options from the entire class... And sure enough a few minutes later I heard her ask a male child, "Would you like trucks or sports?" I need to preface this story with how often stuff like this happens and consequently how much I abhor every day of my god awful, temporary job. I sat for a few minutes letting my blood boil as she continued with the rest of the class before I eventually went up to her and asked, "What if he wants hearts or shoes?" She ignored me for a few moments but I kept standing there making it so uncomfortable that she eventually aknowledged me with,
"He can have sports or cars."
I said, "Yeah, well, what if he wants hearts or shoes?"
Again she tried to ignore me, then said, "He has only a couple choices." And then struck up a conversation with a kid.
Now, what she said was, "He only has a couple choices." But what I heard was, "We only provide the students with options that are socially acceptable so that he won't grow up to be like you." Because really, that seems to be the fear. I was incredibly angry over the whole thing and a few minutes later I approached my supervisor in the hall and said:
"[Boss's name], This might not sound like a big deal to you, but it really is a huge deal to me. In Miss Brandy's classroom the girl students were only allowed to choose stickers with hearts and shoes... And to me, that comes across as inherently homophobic."
She smiled and said, "Yeah, I think that's because some of the parents, even of infants, would get really upset if they saw their boy with...that..stuff...And I think that's why she did that."
"Well, what if it was something with race? What if a parent felt we should enforce a racist policy? I don't believe we would cater to it."
"Well I think that's why she did it, but I'll ask her."
WHAT THE FUCK???!!! Okay, so lets create a similarly ridiculous, offensive and ignorant comment regarding race and see how it sounds: A parent complains to the staff of Maple Leaf Daycare [name has not been changed because I don't care] because her white daughter was offered watermelon for snack and - she feels - watermelon is a food black people eat. Would the good folks of Maple Leaf see to it that watermelon not be offered to the children? UH NO BECAUSE IT'S OBVIOUSLY FUCKING RACIST AND RIDICULOUS AND POINTLESS!
I am a fucking staff member AND I am a lesbian and to me this is so blatantly offensive and not only am I not backed up by my supervisor but no one seems to be able to even wrap their head around the connection! ALL day long these people make efforts to enforce the heterosexuality and heteronormativity of these children: the color paper they pick, the games they play, the friends they hug, the stickers they get, WHAT are they so afraid of? That their kid will end up like me? What the hell?? Since when does sticker choice correlate to sexual orientation? And not only that, but it's gender discrimination!
Yes, it is nice to know I'm making a difference sometimes. Just a couple weeks ago I started a discussion with a group of 4 year olds who were discussing how "ugly" the color brown is, "especially for girls to wear" and eventually we were talking about how brown is beautiful and how many of our friends have brown skin and I was glad I got to be there for that. I've also intervened almost daily when a student or staff member says, "Boys can't...!" or "Girls can't...!" But when I'm not backed up by any of the staff or my supervisor and I already feel like the odd one out with these women, I get so overwhelmed with rage and frustration. It blows my mind that these ideas that are so obviously stupid, trivial and homophobic are still allowed and unacknowledged. I've gotten much better at not exploding with rage in interactions with adults but something about these ideas being perpetuated in children REALLY gets under my skin. It just seems so sick. Kids are so open and generally loving and instilling ideas that will later make them hate each other and themselves makes me reeeeeeally uncomfortable.
And the whole argument of "Well we just want life to be EASIER for them! Kids get beat up in school for things like that!" is such crap. They get beat up because people force these ideas of "normalcy" into their heads.
I know the topic of gender socialization of children has been talked to death in the Queer community - at least I've heard my fair share of it - but I needed to vent and since my radical queer blog is apparently being read by a handful of non-queer friends (I know because I've been scolded for it) perhaps it will be news to a portion of this demographic. Quit assigning genders to your kids play. It's dumb. It bums out your kid and it just makes it harder for the rest of us. And because as bad as I wanna quit I still have 9 days left at this job and I need the pay check.
Thoughts on ways to "stick it to the man" here?
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1 comment:
you know..I hear you! I was steaming while reading what you had to say. I understand that you quit the job, meaning, you didn't go back the next day. However, I see a missed opportunity. I know, I know, it is easier said than done but..imagine if you'd go behind the teacher and actually asked kids questions about if the next time they'd like to choose a different sticker. You could be the breath of fresh air. There is always this one person who makes a difference amongst narrow minded people. You could have been this person. No matter what the teacher would have done, you could have talked to kids in front of her or behind her back and could have given them a different perspective. If they had fired you, you could have written then up or found some institution who will not like to hear words - discrimination, homophobia, racisms and etc. Imagine their faces if you'd written to a local newspaper or got an interview with a local TV channel and told them your side of the story....
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